10/13/16
Dear You,
Today, I started to question myself, do you really love me ? or I am just being blind of the fact that it is only a one way relationship?
This made me cry, why I am suffering this kind of feelings.
I always believe that you are God's gift and so Im doing everything to make our relationship work. Whatever God has gave me I have to love it and take care of it and that is why Im doing every thing to keep this. But I am very hurt. Its so hard seeing you online but you are not talking to me. Seeing you being online but doesnt bother to say 'Hi! are you still alive?'
I remember what my friend told me before, Every people has the same feeling when they are inlove. And every inlove will do something romantic. Why I cant feel it. For how much I am so excited to talk to you, it feels like you are not. Do you know how hurt it was? Do you know how hurt it was that it feels like you just forcing yourself to do that.How can I say that? then why you have time to talk with others? Im not saying about girls, because as far as I know you, You are not the type of womanizer.But whoever you are talking with makes me so jealous thinking that you can give time with them but not with me!
I fight for our love on time that we have no communication, I went to different churches, pilgrimage, novenas, and continue sending you messages even if you are not answering. My friends doesnt support me with it, instead telling me that it’s stupidity, I fight for our love alone. Yes , all alone , because you are not there to support me, you kept yourself on a shell and doesn’t want to talk to me, Instead of assuring me that everything will be ok, just be patient, blab la bla, but you were not. My friends were telling me that you are so coward and I dont deserve to have that someone who cannot fight for me. But, I dont listen to them, I love you and I always believe the you are a God’s gift to me.
Do you still remember the time, when I called you after Mama told me to call again because you have something to tell me, for so many times, i dialed and you never answer, you dont even send me a message to say that you are not ready to talk yet. I feel like I was stabbing 3 times in my heart, I feel like a trash and only forcing myself to you. I feel so stupid
and
that was the saddest part of my life.I feel so worthless. You hurt me for so many times which you never knew that you were hurting me. How ironic it was to hurt the person you truly love. I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. You are the reason and I should support you. Maybe you are in a bad situation than mine. My feelings are just my feelings, well im learning to be tough.
I thought it’s an answered prayer, yeah it is, And thanks Lord, St Jude, you never left me into that situation, but why suddenly the sparks is not there, in me yes, but in you I can’t feel it anymore. You are not excited to see me, not excited to talk to me. You are not excited with me anymore. What’s worst is, I feel that you are looking for a bad thing in me, maybe to make yourself believe that I am not the girl for you, and that you don’t deserve me. But then, you cannot find anything and instead there is always a reason for you to believe that I am the girl that you deserve to be. That everything that you are throwing to me was all false and no enough reason to hate me. Yes that is what I’m feeling right now, how this happen? Why suddenly you forget everything about us. Why are you throwing our love? I always pray to God to remind you how great our love is. How happy we were before, how we miss each other. Life is to short to waste Dear, we never know what will happen tomorrow. I might die, and I won’t be able to see your love again. This is very lonely. . Time is very precious baby, please don’t waste it.
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